CHRISTMAS is a time for celebration.

It's a time to spend time with your loved ones, shower them with gifts, eat glorious food and drink sumptuous beverages.

But for those in an abusive or violent relationship, it can a time filled with fear and dread.

This Christmas, your County Gazette has teamed up with Avon and Somerset Police to highlight domestic abuse, and how to find support if you are a victim, or a perpetrator.

OVER the holidays, police receive a spike in reports of domestic abuse incidents, often fuelled by alcohol or the smallest of incidents that erupts into a scarily violent encounter.

One of the most common misconceptions is that it is just women who are abused in relationships, that you are only a victim if you are a woman, but this is not the case.

Men are also victims, whether they are being abused by another man or a woman, but for one reason or another, don't report it to police or authorities.

In the first of a two-part feature, the Gazette spoke to Paul Chivers, whose wife was jailed for 16 months after repeatedly abusing him, both physically and mentally for more than a decade.

The final straw, Mr Chivers said, was she violently attacked him in March 2014, in front of their daughter, splitting his head open.

It started out as a perfectly normal relationship. The pair, who were both teachers, worked in the same school and the relationship blossomed.

He said: "First impressions were that she was a kind and caring person, it was only later that the real person, her true nature started to show as she and our relationship began to unravel

"Looking back, I now feel I was groomed, I was lulled into the relationship."

The pair moved to be closer to Paul's family, and he said this was when the relationship started to become sour. He was isolated from his family and friends by his wife, and he says his baby daughter was used "as a pawn" to force him into life-changing decisions.

He suffered at the hands of her humiliation. He said she would often lock him out of the house, or kick him out of the car when they were 60 miles away from home and leave him there stranded. His wife also threatened his parents outside their home.

"At first it was coercive behaviour - controlling all aspects of my life," he said.

"When I challenged this I was locked out of my home and kept away from my daughter. I was locked out more than 60 times in a 10 year period. When I didn’t comply, she then became violent.

"I suffered humiliation - being left 60 miles from home on the roadside with no money to get home. She liked doing this and again it was done several times.

"A painting was taken from the wall and smashed over my head. On the final occasion she split my head open with a hair dryer."

Mr Chivers said he knew he had to leave her, and the relationship, when he was sat in an accident and emergency department "holding his head together" after the final attack.

He said: "It was not easy to leave. I’m sure there will be people who don’t understand that.

"The case took a year to get to court. In the interim we had social services involved with my daughter and I had to go to family court to get permission for my Dad to live with me."

Paul was forced to give five hours worth of evidence from the witness box when the case did get to court, another humiliation, and he admitted both he and his daughter had received counselling to try and get over what has happened.

His wife was jailed for 16 months, and a restraining order was also placed on her following her release.

Now, Mr Chivers is looking to the future and is using his horrific experience to try and help other people suffering in similar situations.

He is now an ambassador for Mankind, the Taunton-based charity for male victims of domestic abuse, and is also part of the reference group for the Victim’s Commissioner Baroness Newlove.

So what would he say to victims and survivors of domestic abuse?

"You can say what you like to a victim but the choice to break away has to be theirs.

"After months and years on conditioning you think you are worthless and in a way you should be grateful and must maintain the status quo. People looking in from outside do not realise how difficult a decision this is.

"You are a strong person who has be coerced and controlled constantly walking on egg shells.

"Most of the time you run on pure adrenalin because you don’t know what you are going to get next. When you get to the point when you know you can’t take anymore, for the sake of your mental and physical health or the risk to you or your children, the police and other support agencies are there to help.

"Just make that step - you won’t be alone.

"Don’t get me wrong it won’t be easy. But you will be supported, you will be listened to. You won’t be on your own and you have to think of yourself."

n IF you are in an abusive relationship and want advice or help, call Avon and Somerset Police on 101 or visit thisisnotanexcuse.org

If it is a violent situation, always call 999